Post-traumatic growth?
Much of the research around survivors of coercive control is grim and dark and leaves people feeling hopeless. Of course, survivors have been through grim and dark times, but they also have a real strength.
It is important to note that post-traumatic growth does not mean that the crisis or the trauma that was experienced was worth experiencing in any shape or form. Post-traumatic growth are the gains that happen and are an unintended consequence of events beyond our control.
What does growth look like?
It’s not about being “grateful” for the abuse. It’s not about finding a silver lining. It’s about reclaiming your mind, your body, your voice.
Post-traumatic growth might look like this:
Finally trusting your own decisions without second-guessing
Saying “no” without apologizing
Rebuilding your identity—your style, your opinions, your dreams
Feeling safe in your own home or in your own skin
Turning your experience into advocacy, creativity, or quiet strength
It can also mean learning how to rest. How to feel joy without guilt. How to love yourself, not in theory—but in practice.
Post-traumatic growth is what happens when you have the time, space, and support to process what happened—and to begin to rebuild on your terms. It doesn’t erase the trauma. But it can help you make meaning.
And if you’re not ready yet, that’s okay. Growth isn’t a race. Some days, just getting out of bed is a triumph. You’re allowed to take your time.
This isn’t toxic positivity.
We’re not saying what happened to you was “meant to be” or that “everything happens for a reason.” Coercive control is real harm. You are not just what was done to you. You are who you are becoming.
You may carry scars, but you also carry insight. You’ve learned to listen to your gut. To name your needs. To honour your boundaries. Post-traumatic growth doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you’re in the process of becoming someone wiser, softer, stronger. Reclaiming your voice, your identity and your future is an act of defiance—and of healing.
